Belajar meneruskan

Hati itu pernah pecah, terpisah, tercalar, terbelah, rapuh, ruptured, stranggled, dissected, gambled. Selagi ia bernama hati, ia akan bersama dengan perkara yang perlu diulangkan diatas. Itu fungsi hati, ia tidak boleh abaikan apa yang perlu dirasa, tidak boleh delaykan perasaan. Ia akan hadir dijemput atau tidak ."apa khabar?" terus disapa menusuk dalam hati tiada kalam pemula.

Aku takut dengan perkara diatas, sembunyi, lari. Kerapuhan hati itu makin menjemput hadir liar. Apa yang aku tinggalkan dalam hati ialah tempat tadahan dulang menunggu saat turunnya duri duri. Auchhh, sakit. Banyak ruang tadahan aku sediakan menanti sekali lagi duri yg bakal turun. 

Aku bingung dengan kepedihan ini, aku hiru biru menyampaikn hujah dalam hati yang keliru. "apakah sukar hendakku tinggalkan kesakitan ini"?. Aku menjenguk ke luar jendela dan melihat burung melepasi awan-awangan. Aku perhati dan semakin perhati, burung yang membelah awangan, tidakkah disitu halangan buat burung itu?

Aku fikirkan apa yang terrrsedih buatku, apa yang membuatku lemah dibadai ombak duri dihati ini. Lalu teringatkan burung yang membelah awan. Mungkin bukan dengan aku persoalkan peritnya hati, mendungnya jiwa. Tetapi melepasinya sebutir demi sebutir, sehasta demi sehasta. 

Aku tidak bisa lari darinya, awan itu besar dan tidak dijangkaui hujung malah berfatamorgana. 

"Janganlah kamu bersikap lemah, dan jangan kamu bersedih hati ,padahal kamulah orang-orang yang paling tinggi derajatnya, jika kamu orang-orang yang beriman" [surah Al-imran :139]

Baru :)

Yesterday is a good journey,
Happy but not absolutely,
Now here,
Stepping into a day,
That never could see.

I begin my year,
As if its still new,
But dont fall to lies,
Past niche still smells true.

What a day,
What a wonderful life,
Its not the big deal,
But the minutiae,
That keep the rain sound alive.

Down to earth

Soon he makes me realise again,
The earth takes so much from you,
It tears you apart,
till you bend to your knees,
kills you inside,
To the deep of your heart.

It lets you keep the remain,
to put the thought in your bank,
so you make a deposit,
to left with a memory of sad and saint.

I beg you to let off the pain,
It wont go, its still the same,
Struggle, hassle, it wont bug.
I beg ur pardon, What is this in the name of heaven?

He say, I wont let you know,
there is somewhere you need it,
something people wont have it,
a same road that the others gone through,
a some road that had not been taken.
But its a special journey.
Just you, and only your little life my dear.
You will, soon or later.

Aku yang dilupakan...

Apa yang ada pada kita sekarang sering kita lupakan dan terlupa, atau kita lupakan peristiwa istimewa yang membawa pada kehidupan kita kini. bila difikir fikir mungkin semakin kuat menyayangi, kuat bekerja, kuat berfikir...

barangkali itu datang daripada kisah silam yang pernah buat kita rasa kecewa dan terluka akibat tidak menyayangi, malas bekerja, dan tidak berfikir rasional. apakah natural itu seseorang kuat bekerja tanpa ada motivasi yang mengajarkannya? 

pasti ada sesuatu bukan..

aku mempunyai sebatang pensil yang berumur 3 tahun. ia berwarna turqoise dari mula hingga ke hujung.

aku idamkan pensil itu, sehingga tidak lupa untuk menggunakannya setiap kali aku menulis. satu hari aku terpaksa berpindah dari satu tempat ke tempat yang lain lalu aku tinggalkan pena itu disana kerana gembira akan berada di tempat yang baru.

aku berasa gembira sehingga aku tidak kisahkan pena aku terdahulu. sehinggalah aku hilang gembira itu, lalu aku tercari2 kemana pena aku yg dahulu? 

lalu aku terus mencari2 yang terdahulu sedangkan aku sudah ada di tempat yang baru suasana yang baru...

aku teringatkan pena aku, ia ada disuatu tempat . jauh dari tempat aku yang baru ini. lalu aku membeli pena baru yang sama warna sama texture. aku simpannya rapi dan tidak pernah hilangkannya...

tapi apa yang terdahulu itu tidak sama dengan apa yang aku ada sekarang.

Peter and the beggar

A man called peter was eating with his cousin at a store while discussing about some business venture. he eats slowly and gently. just before he took another bite, he took a glance infront of him and saw a boy wondering around with a box held tightly to his chess. He wondered and took a wild guess what he's holding onto, like other boys that wear a pair of slipper, dresses untidy and a poor look, it didnt took long for peter to make a guess.

Peter knew exactly what will happen next, as he had experienced many situation alike. So, the boy went to peter with poorly look asking for a charity for his school. Peter took few seconds to make the decision wether to check for his pocket or just deny the situation. so he make a decision to deny him. The boy left with quite a dissapointment and left the store. 

Peter knew he did not felt good about it. He knew that left a boy with no direction was not a good idea. theres so much excuses for him to abandon him ."why should I? ive donated so much" he dialogue...

Peter left the store with a bad feeling hoping that he had bought something for the boy. He went to his car unhappy and went round the corner of the place.

He know that he didnt felt good, so he decided to take some tour in a journey of relieve. he didnt go far from the store, suddenly he met with the boy who he had been wondering all the time.

He parked his car immediately and with fearless and undeniable thought he rushed to the boy and asked "boy, can we have a seat, ill buy you some drinks" the boy replied "thank you sir" he rejected politely. peter insist for a time with the boy ,and the boy seemingly approved.

peter ordered some roti canai and teh tarik for the boy.
then they started their conversation

"hello kid, what is your name" says peter

"hi, im john" says john

"hi john nice to meet you. im peter. may i know where'd you live . because you seems to be wondering around losing place?" says peter

"thank you for your concern mr. peter. im living in a school hostel far from here" says john

peter strangely replied, trying to negotiate with his mind.

"but why are you wondering around looking for charity john?"
says peter anxiously replied

"well, this is our duty. we need to collect money for the school and we really didn't need to study much, because we wont even take any exam. Besides, it's the principal's order" sighed the boy.

" what about your family? Anyone's still around?" said peter

infact said the boy, "they still are and they are the one who sent me to this school with exchange of free tuition fees. "

feeling anxiously reply. peter skipped the part as he know that wont help him for the conversation.

"boy, do you have a dream? Any thoughts on what u want to do later on? says peter

"not really sir, i havent paid much attention to it" said the boy

deep in peter's heart, he thought, how lucky he is, to have everything, that this boy couldnt even dream.

peter continue being inquistive as before, further ask "where do you see urself in 5 years to come?"

"well, i dont sir, but maybe i'll help my dad"

says peter "then how'd you manage to come here afterall?"

"someone drove me here. my friends are also been situated some other place to collect for donation...ahhh, im sorry but i need to go now, since they will pick me up later" john replied

peter then prolong smily facial reaction.

"thank you kid, im sorry for dragging your time, it is a pleasure to hear from you. please2 continue with your meal"

john quickly finish his meal and peter make a grace goodbye handshake.

"till we meet again john" says peter

john smiled.

Peter sat for a while...

drove back home.

The memory keeps on repeating on his head, even for a simple situation bothered him so much that he couldnt pretend that its not a big deal.

Peter wanted to share this little story in how he felt to everyone.
but he kept it real deep in his heart, that 1 space that only he can notice it, and how the feelings created from a burning hell to a beautiful sunshine.

Peter wish he could do more for the kid, he wish for some more time, to know him better.

Dissapointed, yet happy because the time he spent with him is far more valuable, than handing him money just to make him dissapear.

Perjuangan bersama

Setiap yang berakal itu bakal diuji,
Setara mana laksana cahaya,
Dalam arena yang senang,
Dalam cuaca yang tenang.
Dalam keheningan malam.

Kita dimakan waktu,
Dilema makan,
Dilema hiburan,
Dilema pakaian,
Dilema keluarga,
Dilema kawan,
Dilema solat.

Tertipu dengan tenang,
Dianggap sudah benar,
walhal senang salah tempat,
Dianggap hanya tangani
Nafsu dan syahwat,
Asal tak perlu keraskan 4 kerat.

Singgah palestine,
Singgah syria, aleppo, rohingya
Iklan sementara,
Buat  hindustan tambahan perisa,
Seakan drama korea.

Cerita baru, cerita lama,
Sama saja. Akhir cerita,
Terrorist punya kerja,
Simpulan ada, dengar saja berita,
Akhir kalam telan semua.

Mereka hilang keluarga itu biasa,
Kita hilang teman wanita bahaya,
Kita mereka tidak serupa,
Dendangkan pada semuanya,
Kita tidak sama!

Seakan kita lupa,
Kita berpijak bumi yang sama,
Senang tak selamanya,
Masa akan tiba,
Kita akan merasa.

Gentar usah gundah,
Bukan itukah yang tertulis?
Kalam yang tidak tertunggak,
Yang teradil lagi nyata.

How languages affected me

Language is a practical life, the more you use it, the better you'll be. Me myself is trying to coup with  several languages which comprises chinese, malay, english, and arabic which I do confess that I dont hold on to all of it regularly. Some may lack in terms of oral or writing.

It takes several years to be good in a language, such as chinese language. Some people may take 6-7 years to completely learn the basics of chinese language. It is an unfortunate to say, 6-7 years trying to learn chinese language is a waste when you only communicate with your mastered mother tongue language after graduate. Ofcourse, the environment. We stay in touch with people who speak our mother tongue language.

For me,language is a persons identity and virtue. It shows how determined and discipline you are in maintaining several things in a shot. How you makeup with people in different cultures using their language, what book you reads, what assent you use. This is the aspects that needs protection in ourselves. And again I see this things are getting further from me. 

There is a time when you want to read other races newspaper to see what they are thinking, how are they doing, what are the latest info that I missed. It affected in many situations, that youll be glad if you stay in your shoes. And how many apportunities comes when you can know something extra. 

Same goes to arabic language. Where actually I missed a big spot in there. That I didnt realize how beautiful Quran words that I thought reading in malay is ok, when eventually it is best and beautiful reading in the form of the Quran language itself. How glorious and shining words that i've missed along the years without understanding the beauty of untranslated, direct meaning of arabic words. 

How's an instrumental band is played when you dont have the conductor. You can hear the sound, but you cant feel the beauty rythm. 

However, this is one of the efforts that keeping me typing pong in english. I hope one day all this letters will be in chinese. 

Thank you for reading.